


The Hourglass

by WickedSong



Category: Firefly, Serenity (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-19
Updated: 2013-08-06
Packaged: 2017-12-15 13:00:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/849843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WickedSong/pseuds/WickedSong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“The sand falls and the clock ticks and there is he, an innocent lamb to the merciless slaughter.” Post-BDM.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Time

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer/Note: I don't own anything...well except Zoe's daughter but that's in the comics so I don't actually own that. *sigh* Anyway, this is me sort of dipping my toes into the world of Firefly fic. Ever since I finished watching the series and the movie at the end of April, I've been obsessively reading fic so it seemed like a natural progression. I always say I'm not going to write fic for my new fandoms because I'm terrified I won't get it right but I've been fighting this plot bunny for far too long and I can't any longer so here it is. This is a prequel of sorts to a longer second part which expands upon things much further. As I was writing the main thing today this exchange just jumped into my head. I hope you all enjoy and please be gentle with the criticisms I know you'll have.

"Mal! Mal, are you listening to me?"

When the man in question finally turns to face her, Inara folds her arms and gives him _that_ look – the one of pure irritation that only he can manage to inspire within her with the many ways in which he infuriates her so.

"Loud 'n' clear, darlin'," Mal replies with a false smirk. Inara rolls her eyes at the 'endearment' and the false sense of confidence he is currently projecting, "and nothin' you or anyone else on this boat says is going to stop me."

"So I'm not the only one who thinks this is suicide. Oh, I wonder why that would be."

Mal shakes his head and continues to walk. With a sigh, Inara follows him. He goes to step into the spare shuttle but she manages to catch up to him and grab his hand before he can open it. "Mal, please listen to me," she pleads softly.

He doesn't look at her, keeps his eyes on the ground and all of his false confidence shatters. "I have to do this 'Nara. Shepherd's God is playin' one cruel trick if he thinks I'm lettin' one more young 'un on this boat grow up without a father." He's holding onto the railing and his grip becomes tighter as he thinks of his own absent dad.

It's bad enough that every time he looks at Zoe's daughter all he can see is his former pilot smiling back at him from his seat in the bridge, saying he was a leaf or some other _go se_ before he was impaled, carrying out an order that Mal had given him.  If he can help it Kaylee and her unborn child won't have to deal with the same ghosts and as the Captain he's going to damn near assure it.

"Not too many years ago you tol' me you'd help the Doc and his sis' if I wouldn't," Mal argues, once he's regained a sliver of his composure. He can feel Inara's hand on his arm now and to be so close is just another part of their never-ending dance. Here and there, back and forth, over and over again.

"Yes but…" Inara trails off, trying to find the best way to phrase it. "Simon understands that it's either this or all of us. He made you _promise_ you weren't going to come and try and rescue him."

"What? You think that this'll be the end of it?" Mal asks, and he finally looks at her. "They're just gonna keep comin' at us, 'Nara. Not sayin' I regret bringing the Doc and the Lil' Albatross on board but you think they're really gon' give up on gettin' their assassin back? And if Grandpa and Grandma Tam find out about Kaylee and the baby. We got a whole load of hurt comin' on us, I'd say we always will, and Simon dyin' don't help any of it."

"And if it did," Inara asks forcibly, and she almost can't believe she is asking this question. "Would you respect his wishes then?"

"Prob'ly not," Mal says. "'Cause if anyone gets to murder him for leavin' it should be me and it should be outta the airlock."

"Mal…"

"What? 'Nara, what?"

What more can be said about it.

And then he sees the pure concern that crosses her features.

"You're worried 'bout me?"

"I always worry, Mal."

"Not somethin' I thought a Companion would admit to, if I'm being completely honest."

Now Mal is facing her as she stands at the bottom of the shuttle steps. She takes one of his arms and gently tugs him down so that he is standing right in front of her.

"This is a suicide attempt, Mal," she implores. "Give me time. I once said I'd help Simon and River and I'll stand to that, Mal. But don't do this now, when you'll go off and get yourself _killed_."

"But-"

She shakes her head. "I have contacts I can use to find out the exact details of the trial. It'll take at least a couple of weeks for them to come to any sort of decision."

They both ignore the fact that that decision had probably been made the day that Simon broke his sister out of the high-security Academy and anyone with any thoughts to the contrary were in denial.

"We might not have a couple o' weeks, 'Nara," Mal argues but she shushes him once more. She goes to speak but footsteps stop them and they turn to the sound.

"The sand falls and the clock ticks and there is he, an innocent lamb to the merciless slaughter."

Inara rushes to River who has just appeared from around the corner. Since Simon was arrested a few days ago the girl has been practically impossible to find on the ship, only coming out to speak to Kaylee once and for five minutes during a quiet dinner the night before.

"Come on, sweetheart, we can go to my shuttle."

River shakes her head and shrugs out of Inara's grip. "No more time, why is there no more time, it makes no sense!" Inara watches as River falls into Mal's arms, and Mal, while unsure, receives her. River begins to sob her words. "Give me more time with him, just more time. Give time to the brother and the husband and the father who will never hold his child, just more time!"

Inara walks over to the pair and is surprised but also relieved when River recognises her presence and opens her arms to her also. She and Mal hold the girl until she is as calm as she can be expected to be. When she is, the two aid her to her bed, and stand in the doorway as she drifts to what will probably be anything but a peaceful sleep.

Inara checks on Kaylee and when she returns to where Mal still watches over River she tells him that the pregnant mechanic is as peaceful as she'd expect. 

"You've got your time, 'Nara. We're gonna' need all the help we can to pull this one off," Mal says quietly. With a low voice he turns to her. "As far as you know we're not goin' back for him. I don' care how much Kaylee asks, she or," he jerks his head to where River sleeps, "can't know."

"Won't River already-"

"If she does, she does, and there ain't nothin' I can do 'bout that, but we don't need to be givin' Lil' Kaylee any false hope here." He gives a shake of his head, as he nods to Inara and turns to leave. "We're gonna need one gorram miracle, that's all I can say."

"I didn't think you believed in miracles, Mal."

Before he actually leaves, he looks to River. "Not as a general rule, I don't. 'Night, 'Nara."

Time. That's all they need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a second, longer part, which is already mostly written, posted at some point within the next few days, so if you enjoyed this and want to know more than I've let on here, keep a keen eye out! And thank you for reading the fic, if you're reading this end note as well!


	2. Stumble Through

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lil' Lily Washburne wonders when Uncle Simon will be back. Zoe ponders. Mal plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the longer second part I was talking about. Again, while I was working on the longer section from which this first spawned (now just over 3,000 words) this is another short scene that just popped into my head. Plus, I wanted to give more insight into Zoe and her life without Wash but with their daughter. Hope you enjoy!

Lil' (Lily) Washburne, is what the youngest member of _Serenity's_ crew is called. A young 'un with the eyes of her father, Mal gave her the nickname the first time he held the babe in his arms and no one's ever really went back on it since. Zoe sees the best of the 'verse in those eyes, and wonders how her daughter manages to be so like Wash without ever getting to meet him. Whenever she thinks down that path her longing and sadness only serves to grow; _he_ never got to meet _her_ , never even _knew_.

But he would've loved her, and wherever he may be now, even without River telling her, Zoe knows he does. He watches over her and their own piece of the 'verse with a smile and a joke and she wishes he could make it easier.

Not just for her anymore.

Quickly nearing age four, Lil' is a mite perceptive. Not in the way River is, Zoe doubts anyone else _could_ be, but in the way she can notice small things as children are like to do.

Zoe doesn't realise until a week after Simon is bound by law and taken away. Lil' had been sleeping at the time and when all had been said and done and no one knew where to be, what to do or where to go, she went to the bunk she and Wash had shared and held her baby girl close to her heart, thinking about Kaylee and the mighty pain which would be coursing through her right now.

And Kaylee wore her heart on her sleeve. There would be no silent breaking in the quiet dark of the deep black when everyone else slept, it would be open and raw and everything would be like stepping on an open-ended nerve.

It had been. Kaylee – and River, poor girl who had been doing so well had had her whole world shattered as well – became distant, doing their jobs and not much else, 'part from eating and sleeping and that was only when someone made sure and insisted on it.

Lil' wanders up to Zoe, who is watching her play with Wash's old dinos' in the common area. She asks when Aunt Kaylee will stop crying and when Aunt Riv will play and dance with her again and when Uncle Simon will be back because he's been gone for a little while now and he's going to miss the baby if he ain't back soon.

Zoe understands the incoherent speech and the pauses in phrases and words and scoops her girl in her arms. Placing her on her knee, she rubs soothing circles on her back and explains as calmly as she could that they were sad, but that it would be okay one day. That Uncle Simon had gone to be with her daddy where he is. Lil's young but she understands that her daddy was a hero, but a hero that she would never to get to see or hear, besides captures and stories from her aunts and uncles on-board _Serenity_.

Lil' cries a little, but she still don't quite understand and she eventually calms down and falls asleep in her mother's arms.

Mal approaches Zoe then, and tells her they were going after him. She's not even surprised, she knew it was comin'. Ever since he marched towards the shuttle only a few days after Simon was arrested, yelling that he was going to give the gorram Alliance a piece of his mind.

And while Zoe can remember Simon making the Captain promise that he or any of them wouldn't stage some sort of rescue, she can't rightly say she disagrees with the Captain's plan to plan a plan.

She looks down at the sleeping form in her arms and feels so blessed that she did get to meet this child, their child. But she knows it could've been complete. It could've been she and Wash and their girl and it would've been the most perfect thing in the whole entire 'verse.

"I'll follow you Sir, you know that," she tells him, in her usual stoic way, not taking her eyes off of Lil'.

When she looks at the man who has been with her longer than she can remember, there is the unspoken _reason_ passed between them. Because Simon ain't been killed yet, his trial ain't even started, and if there's any way to make sure his son or daughter don't grow up without their father, then Zoe won't take that away from anyone.

Mal nods, and leaves the common area. Zoe leans back on the couch. She can't fall asleep so she just thinks, thinks of Wash and the Shepherd and Miranda and the day she found out she was pregnant and had been on the day she lost her husband and faced down a room full of Reavers.

After a few more moments, she gently lifts herself from the couch and carries her girl to their room. On the way she passes Kaylee, bloodshot eyes and the like, and while they say nothing to one another, she sends her a look of 'be strong, be strong for the both of you,' and Zoe can see the trying on the younger woman's face.

Zoe tries to make her see that she understands, and with that, she continues on to her bunk, placing Lil' in her bed, and then just sitting on her own, thinking that maybe, just maybe, they hadn't lost it all yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There may/may not be other parts to this before I post the long section. I rarely do these things without some sort of plan but I'm just enjoying working in this scenario and trying to see how the crew would react, etc. Please do comment or leave kudos if you enjoyed, and even if you didn't, thank you for reading!


	3. A Mutual Estrangement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon receives an unexpected visitor while awaiting trial.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think I just wanted to run with this idea as much as I could before the main part and all these different interlocking scenes just keep coming to me, composing the backstory that will hopefully work for that final chapter. So I hope you all enjoy this one, a study of the relationship between a father and son.

The day before his trial Simon is visited by the last person he expected to ever see again. His father.

Gabriel Tam is the epitome of propriety, masking his obvious disdain – that Simon can still pick up on even after all these years – at the dingy prison cell his son has found himself in. Simon lifts his head and meets his father's eyes, and sees a combination of sadness and disappointment in them.

Not that he cares. The last time he had his father had told him to give up on River or find himself disowned. He had chosen his sister then and, given a chance to make the choice again there would be no difference at all..

His father sits opposite him, not tearing his eyes away. Simon doesn't either. For a few moments both Tam men are locked in a bitter battle of wills. Neither wants to be the first to break the silence and Simon is deliberately stubborn in his decision not to.

However, a few seconds later Gabriel sighs. "A great doctor. You promised me you'd be a great doctor, remember?"

Simon doesn't answer.

"You were everything any father ever wants for his son, Simon. You could've been so much more." His voice is heavy with longing and regret and that same heated disappointment in which he had been met with when he had been arrested in that blackout zone during his search for his sister. But it is not for _him._ It is for his old life, the life he could've had, the one with prestige and status. "And you gave it all up, for notions of people cutting into your sister's head and the Alliance creating monsters."

But these things are all true and Simon has fought enough with the interrogators and lawyers brought to him. He has endured tests to give an insight into his state of mind and has suffered more than one beating. The last thing he wants to do is have this argument with his father who will not believe him no matter how much he protests.

Gabriel leans forward at the sound of more silence and continues, "Fugitives on the run in an old battered up transport ship. I don't think I need to tell you what that has done for your mother and I."

Simon gives a derisive laugh and shakes his head and this is what finally loosens his tongue. "Miss out on a dinner party? How tragic. I'll be sure to think about that the next time I save my sister, your own _daughter_ , from the Academy that was hurting her, almost _killing_ her. If you could see what they-"

Gabriel holds a hand up. "I don't need to see anything, Simon. I see what's in front of me. The desperate boy who went mad and kidnapped his sister, made up stories about Reavers and-"

"Did that _look_ made up to you? Who would _make up_ something like that?"

But his father once more diverts the conversation. "I wish we could've helped you, son. If you had come forward before this, before that transmission, I daresay we would have been able to." He pleads with him, almost. "If you tell us where River is, we can take her home, save her from whatever it is-"

"River _is_ home. She's safe, with people who love her, with our family. More of a family than you ever were."

With those words it seems that there is nothing more to be said because Simon knows what he has known since he left home many years ago in search of River. His father, and his mother, may have acted like two supportive parents of the Core high society, but it's the furthest thing from the truth. He only wishes they could've believed them instead of turning their backs and taking their pretending so far that they began to believe that instead but it's a foolish wish.

Yet at least he knows, for sure now, that their hearts did not lie with their children.

"You can leave now," Simon tells him. There is no need to keep that bitter estrangement hanging in the air.

Just as his father does turn to leave without another word, the light shines through the tiny window of his cell, and Simon finds his father's attention drawn to his left hand. He realises immediately what has been noticed and looks down at it fondly.

His wedding ring is something he should've let go of, to keep Kaylee safe, but everytime he goes to take it off, it feels like he's losing a part of his own self and it's the part, the life that he can't afford to forget.

His father's mouth curves into a surprised 'o' shape, obviously at the wedding band on his son's finger but apart from that he makes no comment. Whether that's because he has nothing to say or he does and he's just smart enough to hold his tongue, Simon doesn't know, and frankly, he doesn't care. Gabriel Tam simply acknowledges that it is there and without any further discussion he leaves and Simon is once more alone in his cell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to see where my muse takes me before I decide where I want to go next with this but if you've enjoyed what I've posted thus far please please please leave a quick comment or kudos. And even if you don't, but you're reading, thank you! It means the world to me!


	4. Revisitin' Ariel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayne wonders, decides and atones.

Jayne'd be the first to admit that he never wanted the doc'n his moonbrain of a sis' on board _Serenity_. Hauling around two known fugitives on the boat that was already tryin' to fly under the Alliance's radar only made gettin' jobs harder which made gettin' coin harder which made Jayne's life harder. It also didn' help his mood.

Hell, he sent a fair share of his earnings back home, for his brothers'n sisters, but 'specially for his ma who was sick with some illness that she'd always had. Jayne didn' understand all that well what it was but knew enough to know it was bad'n any coin to get some extra medicine was coin he needed.

Even the fact that he once turned the pair in himself ('n would've run with the reward if he had got it, which means he's always a mite guilty around 'em even though it's been years) don' stop Jayne from grumblin' around the boat, like everybody else, when the news comes through the cortex feed. The doc has been found guilty of 'terrorism', treated like a war criminal'n was to be executed for it. The doc's only real crime'n the eyes of the Alliance was breaking his crazy sis' out of that place that cut her brain up.

For all of Jayne's complaints about the core boy he found that to be the one thing that was mighty noble of him.

The pair had found an uneasy truce after Miranda and it had improved some since they visited Jayne's home planet. While the doc couldn't get rid of his ma's illness altogether, he made it so it was at least somethin' she could live with more easily.

While his ma had squeezed the doc in a hug to say thanks, Jayne had grunted his own'n nodded his head and he figured that was enough.

Doc must've figured so too.

When the news comes over the cortex, the girl goes crazy, as usual, mutterin' to herself, fiddlin' with controls nervously.

"Gorramit, Mal, tell her to stop that!" is Jayne's immediate response. The girl has a way of damaging his calm'n since she had become the pilot of _Serenity_ it had only got worse.

But it's Kaylee who puts a calming hand on the girl's hand and she stops whatever it is she's doing quickly enough. Kaylee who looks like she's trying not to cry and go crazy her own self.

Jayne don't know exactly what he can say, neither does anyone else if their faces are anything to go by. He sees Mal try to speak but he really can't say anythin', and 'Nara tries to use some of those comfortin' words but Jayne knows that it means absolute _go se_ in the end. Zo' seems to be the only one who knows that fact as well, so all she can do is take Lil's hand and leave the bridge.

There's not much anyone can do now for him. He's in Alliance hands'n unless they want to go in with some sort of death wish, Jayne ain't exactly clear on how that's going to change.

He don't hate the doc as much anymore, of course not, he actually respects him in some sort of way, but he don't know if he can afford to die for him.

Later on he finds out that the fact the doc is dying at all ain't even the worst of it. Zo' tells him that it's going to be a public execution, people all around, in daylight, outside. The Alliance proving their ruttin' point.

Jayne can't think 'o a better or worse way to die.

And that's when Mal comes to 'em with the plan.

"So we're all to lay down and die for 'im, Mal?" asks Jayne around the table. When he's rewarded with glares from 'Nara'n Zo', as well as Mal, he shrugs. "I don't min' the doc no more, but the way I see it is that he gave us a chance to run. So why'n the hell shouldn't we take it?"

Mal stands, both hands on the table, looking the merc dead in the eye. "'Cause we don' leave behind crew, even if they are stupid, too-noble-for-their-own-good-doctors." He leans back a little. "'Sides, I appear to recall you owin' the good doctor or should me'n you take a trip back to the airlock?"

Just from that Jayne knows he don't mean because the doc helped his ma.

A minute passes with Jayne looking from 'Nara to Zo'n then to Mal again. Ariel had been a secret 'tween just the two of 'em since it had happened, well apart from the doc'n his sis' who had never even brought it up again.

Shifting in his seat, trying to think of what to say 'fore 'Nara'n Zo' get suspicious, Mal speaks up once more, savin' Jayne the trouble. "But I ain't gonna force you, Jayne. Just know this plan goes 'head with or without you an' that's the end of the discussion."

Jayne don't know how to reply'n don't even get the chance to when footsteps are heard and 'Nara stops speaking at the sight of Kaylee in the kitchen doorway.

She don't speak to them, no one's been able to talk to her since the news 'bout the doc and 'fore that she's been dedicating most of her time to fiddlin' 'bout in the engine room. Jayne was'n charge of takin' her dinner one night'n just left it outside without a word, not knowin' how to talk to her at all 'bout it.

On top of that, they've hardly seen moonbrain at all. Includin' all of them being gathered 'round the bridge today, Jayne can count the 'mount of times he's seen her the past few weeks on one hand. She spends most of the time holed up in the bridge flyin' (which makes Jayne more'n nervous) or on 'er own or hidin' out somewhere on the boat.

When Kaylee leaves the kitchen without a word, Jayne curses 'imself 'cause he's reminded of just what they lost, even before the doc got arrested. Jayne misses the Shepherd and Wash, and damn if they lose not just another person, but another father (a man should be a man'n be there for his child) without any sort of fight. Maybe it is time to make up for Ariel, and 'sides, the doc has patched 'im up plenty 'o times, so maybe it is just returnin' the favour.

"Count me'n."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh I don't know how I did with that tbh. Jayne was hard for me to write because I feel like I would've liked him more if we had had more of him, and seeing him change and grow from Jaynestown/Ariel-onwards, you know? So anyway, this is still a continuing set of oneshots but, as I have not really planned what these smaller oneshots will be, we'll just have to see where the muse for this particular 'verse throws me next!


	5. Tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malcolm Reynolds still don't leave crew behind.

Mal nurses his brew in hand tryin' to work through his thoughts in the silent kitchen. Everyone else is sleeping – or should be but he doubts they're hardly gettin' any shut eye when they think 'bout the events of tomorrow.

When they had started plannin' to rescue the doc from the Alliance it had been he and Nara'n Simon had only just been arrested. By the time the trial had started Zo' was in on the idea of the plan too'n with some persuasion (or it might've just been his own guilt'n Mal don't give a damn either which way if he's honest) Jayne counted 'imself in.

'Nara had used her contacts as a semi-retired Companion to get 'em the intel they needed 'bout where he was, and what his odds of bein' found innocent actually were. They were largely unsettlin', to say the least. When they found that he was to stay put where he had been arrested for his trial – and whatever punishment they gave him after – it had become a mite easier to plan somethin'.

But they had found 'im guilty, and it had been earlier than 'Nara's contact had first thought. It was made worse by the death sentence he now carried. So everythin' was pushed forward and that's why Mal found 'imself drinking all on his lonesome. Once more he had taken his crew into some sort of suicide mission against the Alliance.

Sometimes when he found 'imself alone on nights like these he swore he could still hear Wash's laughter or Book deliverin' some sermon he couldn' care less 'bout. There was nothin' he coulda done for 'em. Book had been dying 'fore they got to Haven'n Wash hadn't stood a chance neither once that spike got through 'im.

It's still an image Mal sees in his nightmares, and in Zo's face and in Lil's eyes. It follows 'im everywhere.

'Cause it is 'is fault. Zo' can try'n tell 'im that she don't blame him, that her husband knew what he had agreed to'n River can assure 'im of this but it don't lift the burden any. There wasn' a reason why they should have been in that situation in the first place.

But it would've cost 'em the doc'n his sis' in the process. While Mal had been ready to drop them at the first chance when they had first come on board his boat, by the time it came time to say goodbye months and months later, Mal couldn'.

More for the girl's sake than her brother's but for both o' 'em all the same. Mal would daresay the doc knew that 'cause when it came to it and the Feds had caught up with 'em, he asked two things.

To not come after 'im under any circumstances and to look after Kaylee, the baby and River.

Mal had ignored the first request the minute the idiot had made 'im promise it.

And he'd prob'ly be pissed at him when they got 'im back (when, when, 'cause if Mal's thinks in 'ifs' he'll feel even more nervous 'bout this entire thing) but he's crew, and crew don't get left behind. That's how Mal's always operated'n he ain't about to change that now.

O' course, Lil' Kaylee don't know nothin' 'bout the plan. Best not to get 'er hopes up at all, in case it don't go like it's meant to tomorrow. Whether the Lil' Albatross knows something remains a mystery to Mal. Sometimes he swears she sends 'im a secret smile, like she does, but then she goes back to muttering quietly in a corner 'bout her brother'n Mal wagers that she don't know anything at all 'bout it. Or at least not all of it. He's never quite asked her how her Reading works and he don't intend to. It's still too strange to think 'bout if he can help it.

He's 'bout to call it a night when 'Nara appears in the doorway. She nods to 'im and offers her the same back, before walkin' to the counter to make 'erself some tea.

"Can' sleep?" he asks. It's not really a question, more an observation but it's small talk'n he'll do anythin' to get his mind off of tomorrow.

'Nara makes her tea and then settles in the seat beside him, nodding. "It could go wrong, Mal, very wrong."

Mal nods, and raises his glass. "It's one of my plans, I expect it will."

"Mal," she says in that dismissive tone of hers. He hopes she can see through the false grin'n confidence'n see that he's really just as scared as everyone else on this boat. He's actually sure she prob'ly can.

"Tomorrow we'll leave this rock with one more doc on board," he says, 'cause there ain't no other way. "What'd you tell Lil' Kaylee'n River?"

"That you lined up an easy job and I'll be looking after Lily in the shuttle." There's a pause in which she drinks some more of her tea, then places the well-worn mug in front of her on the table. "And when the Alliance are after us, Mal? What then?"

He remembers what he said all those years ago. No more running. It was still true, for the most part, but he shakes his head. "Don't matter. At the best, they give up in a few years, maybe they'll come to their senses and admit what they did." He really doubts that, but the idea of the Alliance sheepishly admitting their fault with Miranda, well that's something Mal would really like to see. "Or they keep comin' at us. Either way we need the doc."

He's thought about it and he figures that River ain't safe without her brother on board. The two separated – 'specially in such a permanent way – is exactly what the Alliance want. Mal's already noticed the girl has been goin' off much more since her brother's been gone and unless they get 'im back it's only goin' to get worse. And the worse it gets, well, the better chance the Alliance has of gettin' their Reader of an assassin back.

He sees 'Nara shift in her seat, and then quickly she puts her hand on his. "Just…be careful," she says, with those eyes in his direction'n he swears he will be, that this will be the one plan that goes right. He can't say no to those eyes of hers; he's been a mite powerless for years now.

She gets up to leave with no more words passed 'tween them. Mal sits once more alone with his brew and decides that he best try to get his own sleep.

His crew is his crew and he'll be damned if he manages to lose another one from that number.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided what I'm doing with this. There will be two more chapters to this 'verse so I expect it to be finished by the end of this week (at the very latest by the end of next week). Thank you for all the lovely reviews that I've read, they really make me think I'm doing something right. Hope you enjoyed this addition and I'll be back with the next one very very soon!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She had always been better.

Better. She was _better_. Better than top three percent.

So a trade. They would get their assassin, ready and willing, and her brother lived.

But the purpose flees her, the fragile glass behind the frayed logic her _better_ mind produced shatters. The assassin falls into arms that carry her and she cries, becoming the _girl_ again. The girl who cried for more time and for a brother who was also a husband and father.

A man who was now like her father and a woman now like her mother hold her and guide her to sleep, make her feel safe and home. Home. This is home. And family. But not completely.

One foot in front of the other, like she's practiced so many times but oh it is so _easy_ to fall.

* * *

The anger is there, just stored beneath years of walls and _do not feel this way, do not feel that way._ Only one man had willed it all away.

And thanks to the assassin _and_ the girl the dinosaurs would never speak again.

But the assassin can leave the anger behind. The assassin never feels it. The assassin barely exists anymore. Only the girl does. And the girl is sorry. More sorry than she can ever manage to say.

Zoe doesn't like the girl to be in her mind, so the girl tries to stay out. But there are pangs of loss, and grief and aching in her bones. The girl keels over from it. It radiates from everything. From the smile of the infant to her first steps. From the moment the 'verse was taken from her and the moment she found a piece of it again.

And the blame, the _blame_. The girl notices a pattern, a shifting axis, from the man who left her, to the man she'll keep following, from the girl to her brother. The blame is in the silence, and the speaking, the happy and the sad.

The girl promises to teach Lily to fly. But the sky's a part of her that cannot be taken away. The girl tries to tell Zoe as much. But words are wasteful and do nothing. Time. Time heals all wounds.

* * *

Still in orbit over Persephone, the girl cannot leave him. She feels him still, from such a distance. Fiddles with a ring and fears to lose it, to lose himself. Breaks, but is not broken. Apologises, but has nothing to be sorry for.

Not his fault.

When she sees the sad little king again she'll shoot him thrice before he can say a word. She will see him again, she is certain. Weasels always come back, always beg. She won't even listen. She won't even look. Click, click, click, and it will be done. Just enough time for him to see the damage his few extra credits brought. Three shots for those left behind. His demise by the girl who lost her brother and will eventually lose herself, the little boy who will wonder where his father is, and the woman beside him whose smile, once the brightest thing in the whole 'verse, has been dulled to a dark grey.

Listening to her brother she feels the shift. A man she would have, once upon a time, called father, enters, and – _what a headache, they're fighting again_.

Back and forth, expectation and what that actually is in the light of the day, it's always been their way.

She feels her brother's heart break clean when he realises they have been truly on their own, and that itself is like ice to the girl's heart, more so than the realisation on its own. She had always known anyway. Still, his pain is her own, only she feels it twice as much, his and hers.

Gabriel Tam only wonders. The girl laughs at his confusion. He doesn't understand, can't comprehend.

Doesn't understand how his son could leave with _delusions_ of a sister in danger – does Gabriel really see the girl as his _daughter_ anymore?

He also can't comprehend how that led to his son in a prison cell with a ring on his finger.

But then again, had that man really understood love? The girl grows upset and angry when she can't figure that out.

A simple equation, she should work on that, but she knows by now you can't measure it.

* * *

_Gorram moonbrain shouldn't be allowed to fly. She'll end up crashin' us, stuck on some backwater moon and all, Mal! Mal, why ain't you listenin' to me? Mal!_

Oh the girl hears Jayne just fine. Hears, doesn't like. Doesn't like, but respects. Jayne isn't like the weasel, not anymore. Tried once, and failed, and won't dare try again.

Jayne doesn't worry a lot but he's scared. Scared of death but doesn't know what to do if he survives.

Jayne doesn't know whether he should stay or leave, doesn't know if he wants to find out. Doesn't know whether he's family.

Jayne is _Jayne_ , not father nor brother, not even uncle.

Just Jayne.

But family.

Wanted to wring the weasel's neck and prayed to God when the news came over the Cortex about the noose around her brother's neck and so that makes him family.

He cares. Whether it's just years of working and living together or a fear of the airlock and death, or maybe both together, the girl can't quite figure out. But it's something she doesn't need to know.

* * *

Tomorrow is one more day closer to the end and she hears it wherever she goes on the ship. Even steps into the whites and blues of her brother's space. A room that brings nightmares but peace. The perfect contradiction.

Elegance and grace passes by but doesn't see. Furrows her brow and asks for him to be careful.

He asks if River knows.

River knows.

River knows everything.

She's better.

Better than top three percent, don't they know, they can't hide and run and lie and cheat. She will always know.

Lies and poison still fill her brain, but she is better, but lies and poison and _needles_ but-

Inara hides behind a beautiful smile, a seductive eye and make up that will eventually be wiped clean to reveal it all.

Inara asks the Captain to be careful. Doesn't want him to die before her, and that day is coming soon.

There's nothing the Captain won't do to make her happy because she is the sun and the stars to him. Even if he has never been able to tell her.

* * *

It's the day after all – the day that changes it all.

The girl walks to her own domain, passes by the Shepherd's old one where a worn bible still sits on a bed, waiting for someone to read the words.

She hears the usually closed mind of a woman wrapped in silk and grace worry about a man shrouded in darkness and a flickering hope.

Kaylee stays where she feels safest of all. Beside her other baby, her _Serenity_. She has her girl and soon she'll have _their_ boy. But they didn't want to know, and the girl didn't think she should tell.

A child doesn't know, won't until she's older where her 'uncle' went, and a boy who is not even a part of this world yet does. The child will protect the boy, like the brother protected the girl.

And the girl, she becomes River. River and Simon. Simon and River. It had always been them.

She reaches her seat. Sits by the controls. Not just Simon and River anymore. It's more; has been for a long time.

 _It was River and Simon. And then Simon and Kaylee. So it then became Simon and River and Kaylee, and River welcomed her with open arms. She had always wanted a sister! Captain accepted them too, made them part of his crew, and Inara vowed to help them when he would not. Zoe watched over them, so did Wash and the Preacher, and they still did, no matter where they are. Jayne is Jayne but still rounds them out; wouldn't be them without him. And they protect Lily and will protect the boy and_ Serenity _protects them all._

Shuttle two speeds off into the 'verse, the Captain, Zoe and Jayne heading towards Persephone once more, and River studies it closely.

_"Daddy will come for us."_

"Get the engine ready," she says into the comm to Kaylee.

For the first time in the month since her brother has been gone, River knows what she must do, and she smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This sucks, I know it sucks, but I've been trying to write this for the last month and I've just come up against myself every time. I'd written two of this chapter; both from River's perspective (I tried; I really tried, I did) and this seemed to be the one I liked the most. There's still a last part to come that will wrap it up, but I don't know when that will be. Keep an eye out if you enjoyed, and thank you for everything, lovely readers+reviewers!


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